Let There be Spaces in Your Togetherness

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”

As we explore the spiritual side of love, we begin to recognize the independent soul path of our partner, and respect our own longings deep within. We support one another but no longer define ourselves and our value by the relationship. We begin to allow love to flow, to deeply touch and move us, but we would never attempt to tie it down. We revere its wisdom. We lose love when we attach too tightly to a person or an idea or an expectation.

Spiritual love is not always romance and roses. It is deeply demanding, asks for surrender and invites profound change. It challenges us to truly examine what we value, why we think and behave the way we do. On the spiritual path, love is not a form and attachment, it doesn’t follow our social guidelines and definitions. In fact when we over attach to the form or our own expectations, we are often filled with turmoil, fear, and further suffering. Indeed, real love allows for deep acceptance. 

“Real love makes you see things as they are...Where there is love, there will be stillness and peace.” - Master Choa Kok Sui

It is the connective energy that moves us and takes us to experiences beyond our small self. It pulls us closer to our essence, our Self, the divine mysteries. After all, this is the energy that is the key to unlock the gates of illumination and oneness. Let us, as we love, leave space in our togetherness for the deep and holy mystery that is love.

http://beyond.globalpranichealing.com/spaces-togetherness-redefining-way-love-someone/

The World is Your Mirror

“All of your relationships are inside of you. There's no relationship out there. There is only the reflection of what you are doing inside yourself and how you're dealing with relationships inside of you, not out there. It may look as if a relationship is you with another person or with other people, but it is always you within you, and relationships are one of the greatest mirrors you can have for yourself-your patterns, your beliefs, your conditioned responses.” 
-John-Roger 

Most of us look in a mirror every day. Sometimes it’s consciously, sometimes out of habit, and other times for a specific purpose. We look in the mirror, see our reflection and get a sense of how we look. There is a greater mirror available to us as well, and that one holds the reflection of ourselves that we see in other people. 

Our relationships can be one of the greatest teachers we have in life. They not only help us learn loving, patience, boundaries, effective communication, but they are a mirror of our relationship to ourselves. 

Every doubt and insecurity we have about ourselves and our own worthiness is brought forward in our relationships. Every need to prove ourselves, to seek approval, and our sense of safety and security is played out with the people in our lives. 

What this means then is that every relationship can show us a reflection of our own Divinity, where we are limiting ourselves or stuck in old patterns. Every relationship holds a key to our own healing and expansion. 

What do your relationships say to you or about you? If you were to look in to your relationship reflections, what does this mirror tell you about: 

• How safe you feel to open your heart 
• How worthy you believe yourself to be 
• How honest you are with yourself 
• Unhealed traumas or emotional wounds 
• Beliefs about being good enough 
• What you value in others that you are not seeing in yourself 
• What qualities you judge in others that you’re not owning in yourself 
• How you love and take care of yourself 
• How safe you feel to be yourself 
• The responsibility you take for yourself or for others 
• What your motivations are for your actions 
• How comfortable you are to let go 

 The “themes” your soul is bringing forward for you to look at in this lifetime 

Instead of blaming others for not being who we want them to be or not loving us the way we want, we can begin to look at our relationships in a new way. Rather than trying to change 

http://www.morningstarcenter.com/pdf/worldyourmirror.pdf
http://lightworkers.org/wisdom/julie-miller/182781/relationships-spiritual-mirrors
http://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blog/show?id=2859786%3ABlogPost%3A2670312&commentId=2859786%3AComment%3A2674916&xg_source=activity

Open Relationship

A sannyasin asks about her relationship which she thought was very open, but her boyfriend recently said he was pretending sometimes, and he has other desires. She feels very sick about this.

Osho: I understand. That's why people have completely forgotten what a open relationship is. They have become closed... they have become zombies. And that's why all the charm in life has disappeared.

In a closed relationship, you go on pretending hut you never say. You feel interested in, infatuated by other women, by other men, but you never say -- you hide the fact. The closed relationship is a very unnatural phenomenon.

If a man feels interested in you, that means he is interested in woman, otherwise why should he be interested in you? So if he finds some beautiful woman passing by . . . he is interested in woman, that's why he loves you... if he feels a beautiful person passing by, how can he avoid feeling a certain desire for the woman or for the man? I am not saying that he should go to her, but there are only two possibilities: either he comes and says it to you... that is natural, should be so, and you should love the man more for that!

... or he can pretend. He can feel that you feel hurt, so he be-comes a liar, pretends that you are the only woman in the world, that no woman attracts him at all. And remember, he can not only pretend it -- he can even manage it, sincerely, not to look at any other woman. But one day you will suddenly see he is no more interested in you either, because if he is not interested in women, why should he be interested in you? You simply represent a woman; you are a personification, an incarnation of womanhood -- nothing else.

So this is the dilemma. Either a relationship has to be open -- then it is very windy and storms come, and sometimes it rains and sometimes it is very cloudy because there is no roof, and you are sitting under the open sky. But there is beauty too, thrill too. There is a kick in it -- a real, alive thing. So you see both the things.

I know your problem. You feel jealous -- that too is natural; so say it! There is no need for you to pretend either. You must be pretending! Mm? you feel jealous and you say, 'No, I don't feel jealous.' Then again you are doing the pretension work.
Simply say, 'Good, but I feel very jealous. And when I am saying that I feel very jealous, I am not saying that you have done anything wrong -- I am simply telling you my mind! It is still there -- I feel very jealous.'

And that too is natural! It is as natural as a man becoming desirous oP other women. That too is natural -- a fear arising that if some other woman becomes too much of an infatuation, he will move away from you. Then you feel that you may lose him. Then all worries arise... and you don't want to lose him! You love him, and you don't want to lose him, so jealousy arises. But don't try to pretend that you are not jealous. Otherwise you will create a problem.

Remember that if you are jealous, you are jealous -- you have to say so. But do it in such a way that the other is not made to feel guilty. He has not done anything wrong. What can he do if a beautiful woman passes by, and suddenly just in that moment he feels attracted? True of him that he comes and says so to you. Now you also have to be true. Don't be afraid!

You are not saying that he is wrong when you say that you feel jealous -- you are simply saying that this is how you feel. He is perfectly okay, and you are thankful that he was true and sincere and that he told you. Tell him to never pretend -- even if you feel hurt, he should never pretend!

Because pretension kills love. Hurts, love can tolerate as many as possible. Hurts are nothing -- in fact they make love even deeper; each hurt brings a new life -- but pretensions kill. So if you pretend that you are not jealous, on the surface you will say, 'I love you', and deep down you will hate; deep down you will want to take revenge. And you will take revenge in many ways. Then you will be in a split.

My suggestion is -- let it be really open. If you are jealous, then you are jealous, and if he felt infatuated, he felt infatuated. What can you do? Human beings are very helpless. You understand his limitations, and he understands your limitations.

Now the second possibility is to make it closed -- then there is every security... but then it is dead! Then you are caged! There are two alternatives: either he pretends that he never looks at any other woman, and when you are not there he's very happy.... In fact when you are not with him, he is very happy that he feels a little freedom. Whenever you are there he is a little depressed, so he becomes a hypocrite. You have killed the man. And how can you love a hypocrite? How is a hypocrite going to give you any happiness?

.... Or the other possibility is that he may be a religious person -- that is even more dangerous... more than the hypocrite. He may be a very sincere person, a serious person: he not only pretends, he tries to do it. Then he can do it. He Gan close all possibilities of being interested in anybody, but then by and by he will lose interest in you.

It is as if you force somebody only to breathe when you are with him. You will find him dead sooner or later, because when you are not there, what is he going to do? He cannot breathe! So for twenty-three hours he cannot breathe, and for one hour he can breathe only when he is with you. That's what we are doing about love. We say, 'Only love me, and for twenty-three hours, no love, no breathing. And then one hour, pour down all your love, breathe as much as you want to breathe!'... It creates a neurotic state!

Very good that it is open. Good that it hurts! You also have to be open -- I don't feel that you are open. That is creating the trouble. You also be open, and you will also feel attracted to men. It is natural. And if you don't feel attracted, that too is good. I'm not saying that you have to! Then maybe that is natural to you. Every-body is so different that there can be no golden rule for everybody.

But be open, and try openness, because openness is far more important than your love, and if openness is dropped, everything is dropped. Even love will disappear -- it will not prove of much help. But if openness is there, only then can love grow in it. Openness gives the space for the love to grow.

It is going to be difficult... challenging. It is not going to be all roses. But nobody is saying that it is all roses. Love is a difficult situation, and everybody needs to pass through it. So keep open, and continue, mm? And whatsoever happens, just say it, express it. If you are feeling sad, be sad! What can you do? If he cannot do anything, then what can you do? If you cannot do anything, then what can he do? If you accept him, he accepts you... and he accepts you as you are; you accept him as he is.

This is the way it should be here with my sannyasins. Otherwise you can get married to him and have a christian marriage and be happy ever afterwards. Mm?

So don't kill it. Let it remain open. If it exists, good! If it disappears, that too is good -- but let it remain open.

O

SHO 
BLESSED ARE THE IGNORANT 
BY SPY — with Zorba The buddha.

http://www.baytallaah.com/osholibrary/reader.php?endpos=26447&page=13&book=Blessed%20Are%20the%20Ignorant

Joyous Feeling

Recently, a young man came to me and said, 'Swamiji, I love a girl and want to marry her. She is beautiful. She is also well educated. Her father is rich-enough. If I marry her, I will be happy!'

He had brought his girl friend along and she was waiting in the aisle. I asked him to bring her along.

'Why are you planning to marry him?" I asked the girl. 'My lover is highly cultured. He has good qualities and is very humorous. He is hardworking and sure to come up in life. So, he can keep me happy!' was her response.

Anyone viewing this couple superficially, would immediately declare, 'They are made for each other'! But I had my doubts. If they get married with their respective attitudes, they might not be happy.

Now I share with you a few thoughts that I expressed to them.

The man begs happiness from his girl friend, while the girl expects happiness from her boyfriend. When they get married to each other, what would be the result? How can one beggar running after happiness provide happiness to another beggar? Only beggary would increase.

My advice to married people is - do not think of how your partner makes you happy... instead think how you make your partner happy! Marriage works when we are givers of happiness and not beggars of happiness.

Take enticing items for an example. We are happy to receive them as gifts for ourselves. But isn't it much more joyous to offer gifts to others…that too, to one's beloved?

`Giving' opens up a higher centre; hence joyous feeling arises.
-Oh Mind Relax Please, Swami Sukhabodhananda

If both beg for happiness, only beggary increases... in a marriage. 

Marriage is a commitment to change each other's habits for better living.

https://archive.org/details/OhMindRelaxPlease

Ladder of Love

Incremental growth in relation between husband and wife

Sex >   Love >   Friendliness       > Devotion    > Compassion
  V           V                 V                        V                      V
Lust > Caring > Non domination > Sacredness > Forgiveness

From the above, it can be seen that the centre of sex is lust. The centre of love is caring. The centre of friendliness is non-domination. The centre of devotion is sacredness. The centre of compassion is forgiveness.

The relationship between a husband and wife begins in lust. The next stage is caring -they feel for each other. The third stage is the friendship that blossoms between the two. In pure friendship, persons can remain in equality. They would not feel that one is inferior to the other. They would not plot to ruin each other. There is no domination of one over the other.

When friendship develops between the husband and wife, both of them would cherish their relationship as something sacred; they would protect the relationship!

The final stage in this relationship is compassion. The basis of compassion is forgiveness. Whether it is the husband or wife, it is but natural, mistakes do happen. Forgiving mistakes made by the other is the last and highest stage of the relationship. Only at this level, does a relationship become complete.

Can you transform your sexual relationship into a sacred relationship? In this process a spiritual intimacy will develop. If your relationship has forgiving quality, then you don't bug each other but lovingly hug each other. Only in this space, is a relationship fulfilling.
- Oh mind relax please, Swami Sukhabodhananda

Distinguish between the usefulness of Quality Time and Quantity Time. Understand the ladder of Love. Learn to see Elegance in what is and Express it.

A Shallow man is one who is full of oneself. Transform Sex into prayer.
https://archive.org/details/OhMindRelaxPlease

Big Secret - Relationships

If you find their love for you is reducing, you know how you should ask!!
WHY DO YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH.
Then even if they stop loving you, they start loving you badly.
This is the big secret. Ask
WHY DO YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH... 
I AM NOT WORTH. YOU GIVE MORE THAN I AM WORTH...
This humility is the glue, that keeps our family, our society, our world together. Demand always destroys love. Right!!
- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar