Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

1
"This book," said the salesman, "will do half your work." 
"FINE," said Mulla Nasrudin. "I WILL TAKE TWO OF THEM.

2

Mulla nasruddin hired a taxi with his two friends & all drunk:

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine & turned it off again. 

He told them: "We have reached" 

The 1st guy gave him money..

The 2nd guy said: Thank You.

Mulla gave the driver a slap.

The driver was shocked, thinking that Mulla knew what he did. But he asked "whats that for..?"

and Mulla Nasruddin replied: "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME U MORON, You nearly killed us!"

3
"You don't love me any more," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife through her tears. 
"When you see me crying, you never ask why." 
"I am sorry, Darling," said Nasrudin, 
"BUT THAT SORT OF QUESTION HAS ALREADY COST ME AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY."

4
Mulla Nasrudin was drunk and at a football game was making such a nuisance of himself that the people around him threatened to call the police if he didn't sit down and shut up. 
At that he shouted, "show me a policeman, and I will show you a dope." 
The words were no sooner spoken when a big six-foot policeman arrived on the scene and said: "I am a policeman." 
"WONDERFUL!" said Nasrudin. "I AM A DOPE!"

5
Mulla Nasrudin: "A pack of cigarettes, please." 
Clerk: "Yes, Sir, regular or king size?" 
Nasrudin: "King size." 
Clerk: "Filter or plain?" 
Nasrudin: "Filter." 
Clerk: "Menthol or non-menthol?" 
Nasrudin: "Non-menthol." 
Clerk: "Pack or box?" 
Nasrudin: "Box." 
Clerk: "Turkish blend or -- 
" Nasrudin: "FORGET IT PLEASE! I JUST GAVE UP THE HABIT!" 



6
Mulla Nasrudin got on a double-decker bus and climbed to the upper deck. A few minutes later, he staggered down the steps, muttering to himself. "Is anything the matter?" asked the driver. "IT AIN'T SAFE UP THERE," said Nasrudin. "NO DRIVER."



7
Mulla Nasrudin thought he was going to die with a toothache. 
He asked his friend, "What can I do to relieve the pain?" 
"I will tell you what I do," his friend said. 
"When I have a toothache, or a pain, I go over to my wife, and she puts her arms around me, and caresses me, and soothes me until finally I forget all about the pain." 
Nasrudin brightened up and said: "GEE, THAT'S WONDERFUL! IS SHE HOME NOW?"



9
The young lady became angry with her boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, 
and said, "You are a perfect dope!" 
"DON'T TRY FLATTERY," said Nasrudin. 
"NONE OF US IS PERFECT!" 

10
Mulla Nasrudin was weeping and complaining in a bar. 
"I don't have anything to worry about," he said. 
"My wife takes care of my money. My mother-in-law tends to my business. 
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS WORK." 




11
Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were talking about a neighbour. 
"I have never heard a man talk so fast in all my life," said the wife. 
"THAT ' S NOT SURPRISING, " said Nasrudin. 
"HIS FATHER WAS A POLITICIAN AND HIS MOTHER WAS A WOMAN. " 

12
Mulla Nasrudin was watching the youngsters put on their horse show.

 He said to a bystander, "It's terrible the way they dress today. Just look at that young boy with the cigarette, sloppy haircut, and tight breeches." 

"That is not a boy," said the other. "It's a girl and she's my daughter." 

"Oh, excuse me, Sir," said the Mulla. 

"I meant no offence. I didn't know you were her father." 

"I AM NOT," said the other. "I AM HER MOTHER." 

13
The stranger was talking in the tavern. 

"For fifteen years," he said, "my habits were as regular as clockwork. I rose exactly at six. Half an hour later I was at breakfast. At seven I was at work. I had lunch at one, and supper at six, and was in bed at nine-thirty. I ate only plain food, and didn't have a day of sickness during all those years." 

"MY," said Mulla Nasrudin who was listening to the story, "AND WHAT WERE YOU IN JAIL FOR?"

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